Monday, April 27, 2015

AN OPEN LETTER TO MY DAD’S GIRLFRIEND


AN OPEN LETTER TO MY DAD’S GIRLFRIEND

(WHOEVER YOU MAY BE PRESENT OR FUTURE)

By: Joe Amero
 

 
Dear stranger,

I am your boyfriend’s grown adult son.  I don’t know you, and more importantly, you do not know me.  If, by chance, I happen to call your house when you are home and you answer the phone, when I ask if my dad is there please do us both a favour and just put him on.  Don’t make small talk with me or act like we are friends.  We have never met and probably never will, so skip the pleasantries and allow me to get this already awkward exchange over with.  Don’t make this more weird and uncomfortable for me than it has to be.  Memorizing my number would be helpful to avoid answering in the first place.  When you see that it is me calling you could just let him get it or avoid it all together, you and I could then manage to bypass any conversation and this would be greatly appreciated.

For the past decade I have been making an effort to maintain some semblance of a relationship with my estranged father.  You, and those who came before you, have only served as annoying obstacles in the way of that goal.  I do not want to know about you and your kids and their kids or your brothers and sisters and their kids or their kids’ kids.  The lineage and offspring in your family tree does not interest me and I would rather not become privy to any of it.  I have my own kids and my own brothers and sisters, all of whom are none of your business.  I don’t care what you do for a living, please do not try to relate with me about things or share workplace stories and anecdotes.  These attempts at conversation will only turn my indifference into hate and this is a waste of my time and energy so just don’t.

You know me only from the old school picture my dad keeps in a frame on his dresser.  I am not that sweet little boy in the photograph; I am a grown ass man who is jaded and bitter toward all things concerning his father, and for good reason.   He may have even shared some stories with you about me but I assure you they have been embellished in his favour.  I barely even like him so I’m sure you can imagine how I feel about you.  He is a liar and a deadbeat, congratulations on a nice catch.  Your taste in men says a lot to me about your character.

You are in a relationship with my father and live in his house so I have to assume you like/love him and think that he is a swell guy.  You are wrong; he is a piece of living shit.  I have plenty of proof and reasons for believing this to be true, the fact that he is now with you is a result of him leaving his original family in the first place.  I was a part of said original family broken up by this man you now call boyfriend/husband so I hope you don’t feel too special because it could happen to you too.  There were others before you and will probably be more after you so I think your time there would be better spent pretending I do not exist.  If you need help with this exercise, I am quite sure my father could give you some pointers having been such an expert at it himself for many years.

I have asked my father to post this letter on your refrigerator for reference and reminder; I doubt that he will so I have forwarded you this copy, a faded and weak copy of the strong original version, a cheap facsimile of the pure and true version that came first.  I hope this letter finds you well and I wish you no harm.  I simply do not want to hear your voice, see your face or learn/know anything about you.  It’s nothing personal.  If you happen to be the one my father is with at the time of his passing then we will have the opportunity meet in person and have a few short words at the contesting of his last will and testament.  Barring that situation, please just let it go straight to message.

 

Not Yours,

Joe

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